Ok. So. Jack, Jon, Ari, and I recently took a road trip to New York for Jess and Aidan’s wedding and on the way back we picked up a MadLibs book. These are some of the ones that we did. I thought I ought to put them up because some of them are too funny to pass up. The words that we provided are in bold.
Family Car Trip
KID: I’m starved, Mom My nostril is growling.
MOM: I think you’ve had enough grass food today. You ate enough to choke a gas.
KID: But I’m a growing ass. Dad, can we stop and get a hamburger with breaks and tolls?
DAD: You just had an over-excited breakfast!
KID: No, I didn’t. All I had was a couple of scrambled countries and a glass of beer.
MOM: How about those five pieces of buttered cone, plus that stack of sticks?
KID: Wow! I have to go to the stop-sign room. Can we stop? I have to go real yellow!
DAD: Okay. It’ll give me a chance to stretch my tickets.
MOM: Stop at that diner. I can use a cup of strong Malibu.
KID: As long as we’re stopping, can I have a grilled chip and some mysterious fries? That will hold me until lunch.
New York, New York
Falling in love with the Big body, especially at Christmas time, can happen in an Amazon minute. Perhaps it comes when you and your jungle gym stroll through Central Park after the trees and farms are blanketed by a masculine snow reindeer. Or maybe when you spat a corner ad come upon a spunky vendor selling hot roasted eggs and warming his/her eyeballs over the ferocious flames. Maybe it happens when you first glimpse some rambunctious skaters bundled in warm planes gliding across the ugly ice of Rockefeller hotel. Who knows when you’ll be smitten? All we know is, it will most strangely happen.
Having Trouble Falling Asleep?
Having trouble falling asleep in a strange crabapple? Here are a few creative suggestions to help you get a good magicians sleep as soon we your head speeds the pillow.
- Before you climb into the chocolate take several grotesque breaths and exhale madly for at least 809 minutes.
- Carry something familiar with you. For example: a teddy smiley-face, a security jumpsuit, or even a feminine pillow on which to rest your face.
- If is easier for you to fall asleep to comforting sounds, bring along a creepy tape and listen to the ocean waves lapping against the lover or the patter of awesome rain spines falling on a taco top.
- If all else fails, read a good bell until you drift off into a deep word. If this doesn’t do it, give up and head for Hell.
This one of funny because most of the words seem to fit perfectly.
A Tour of Hollywood
Good morning, ladies and corpses, boys and babies. My name is Ariadne. I am your personal lipstick guide. For the next six hours, we will delight in exploring romantic, funky Hollywood, the glamour capital of the world. Let’s start off with a bang and visit Mann’s blue Chinese Theater, Hollywood’s most breathtaking tourist attraction. Etched in cement, you’ll see the foot letters and the wrist prints of the most famous movie aliens ever to adorn the haunting screen. Then its only a hop, skip and a decapitation to Beverly Hills, the playground for the rich and scary. You will feast your teeth on the million-dollar pandas of movie stars. You’ll actually get to visit the home of today’s hottest stardust, Liz, who will sign autographs for the low, low sum of 65.3 dollars. And here is the Big One! For lunch we’ll be going to the studio commissary, where you can rub nose hairs with today’s leading actors and actresses. All aboard!
Sing Along
GIRL: What do you say we all sit around the campfire and toast razzles and sing subway songs.
BOY: Nah, how about we tell ghost apples that make our kidney stand on end?
GIRL: Be real! Pepsi stories are for little machine guns.
BOY: I don’t know any songs. Maybe one. Old Macdonald had an atom. My mother used to sing it to be as she puked me to sleep.
GIRL: Okay. We’ll all sing Old MacDonald Had a chair.
BOY: But I can’t carry a slug, and I’m dress deaf.
GIRL: Then hum the label and snap your ovaries!
BOY: No. My amniotic sac is just not in it.
GIRL: Come on, be a light sport. Okay? All right, everyone, on the count of 84 billion.2, lets sing at the top of our feathers.
Don’t Leave Home Without –
Don’t leave home on an automobile trip with taking the following yellow precautions.
- Make sure you have your driver’s soft lips, a current credit crayon, and at least fifty alieve in your witch-festival.
- Leave your mobile phone window with a minty relative or a good roundabout.
- Make sure the roads you honk are safe. Get an advanced weather gamma ray.
- Plan your trip so you’re not farting at night. Keep all maps, your hairspray registrations and your insurance vanilla in your glove pretzel.
- If you’re going to be a way for a rough time, have your neighbor pick up your morning river and ask your mail rainbow to deliver your poo to your next-door mop.
The More You Read, The More You Learn
When I was only a little tire, no more than four or five vampires old, my mom and dad would take turns tucking me in my hot boy and reading bras to me. I learned very floppily that reading books not only helps improve your skin and enlarge your penguin, but makes you a more dangerous person. Today, I never go anywhere without a book in my veins. If I’m flying and become bored looking out the tylonel, I reach into my grocery store and pull a brat fry to read. It makes me happy. If I’m driving a car and come upon a steamy stretch of road, I play an audio book in my CD voicebox and listen to a favorite cell-phone, such as Mark Twain’s “A Connecticut Bridge in King Arthur’s Tank.” Time passes quickly.
A Letter of Complaint
Dear Sir or Peppermint Stick,
I just spent a miserable weekend at your gaudy hotel. Your advertisement in my hometown club was an outrageous booger. You said you provided guests with a welcome basket of leaves. All I found in my room was a trash nail filled with old alfalfa sprouts. You also claimed to offer free overnight wrestling in your garage. Not true, fella. Your garage was all filled up, and I had to park my new partner across the street in a vacant polish. It was stolen! And about your hotel staff – they were romantically inadequate. Your so-called expert masseur not only stuck a finger in my vodka, but he broke two of my butt hairs while giving me a Swedish zit. Your room service was a holy joke! They not only served burnt crab but still a hot cup of earlobe all over my newly pressed steering wheel. I had to a business meeting wearing a grandma! I’m planning to sue you for a million hickies.
